bengaluru and its inviting loneliness

2 months, give or take. 2 months is all it takes for you to either think that you belong to a new place or for you to have the painful realisation that it is going to take much more than yourself to even survive here.

What you do is reflective of a lot of your past experiences. The only thing is, you understand this in isolation. In fact, you see that a lot of things you do are because you either saw someone else doing that, someone mentioned it to you, or you read a Reddit post. You are just a creature that imitates.

And a lot of these imitations actually take birth in isolation. As you are left on your own in this city where nobody can be physically alone. But most are emotionally lonely. You tend to be bothered by someone drinking from your bottle.You like using a body wash all of a sudden. You want to wash your clothes separately. You live with people but despise their existence in your space because they do not adhere to your standards of living.

You develop imaginary clashes with everyone around you, which only your close friends know on these 15-minute calls with no one paying attention, which were once-hour-long calls because they could not imagine seeing you lonely in a city of strangers.

Most of the people around here are outsiders, everyone seeking someone from a similar locality so that life can be less miserable.

There were a lot of places, but I ran out of effort to visit each one of them. The initial days were very exciting though; you wake up, get yourself together from your midnight sorrow, and rush to this museum or a cafe on a Rapido.

But how many things do you watch? And how many sips do you have? Before either your wallet feels lonely or you. You’d rather be lonely yourself than hurt your wallet.

People who don’t think much have it easy, or at least not as difficult compared to the ones that just do not stop thinking. They say, “I just don’t care.” How convenient.

Soon enough, even the will to eat a lot withers away. And what will you eat anyway? And how much? Bengaluru has one thing going good for itself. The food is expensive; it must be a good enough reason that people don’t end up overeating.

I could give myself some generic tips: “Pick a hobby,” “Play a sport,” and “Learn a new skill.” It is interesting how none of these stem from the sole reason for doing these things but are rather a lie to your brain to make yourself feel better.

Some humans, despite all your despair, watch your back for no apparent reason. I wonder if it is because they know how it must feel to come here with a new hope and then realise how painful life can be.

I guess I will know it when someone else experiences

Bengaluru and its inviting loneliness.